I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
