Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
