The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
