my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's the barista slut.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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