I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
