This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
