I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
