Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
