I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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