thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
