No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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