Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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