i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
