Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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