no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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