I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
