carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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