Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need moral support for this bender
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
