Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
