Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
