I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
