My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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