I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize