The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
