Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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