I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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