I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
