I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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