Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
