Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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