dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
