You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
