Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
