Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
