Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
