tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
