If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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