Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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