just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
