Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
