I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what day is it and did you see me today?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
