he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
