just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
