I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
