I just cut my nipple shaving
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
