I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
