So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
