He disabled his match.com account in front of me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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