i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize