wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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