I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize