I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
