Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
