Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
