I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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