Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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