no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
