I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
