It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
