Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
pray to the hookup gods
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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