My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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