she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
