I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
