Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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