do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
