tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
