Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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