too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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