I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
