shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
