Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
