it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
